Making Space For Feelings In Business

An incomplete guide to running your shop as an emotional being. 

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Transcript

[0:04] Welcome to Retail for the Rest of Us, a podcast for indie retailers, makers, and shop owners who want to do business differently.
I'm your host, Janine Malone, retail expert, small business cheerleader, and the founder of Feel Good Retail.
On this show, you'll hear insights, strategies, and ideas on how to sustain and scale your shop without sacrificing your sanity.
Each week, you'll hear from me and the occasional guest expert in what I hope feels more like voice note from your retail BFF than a business podcast. Additional goodies and support can be found in our show notes and at feelgoodretail.com. Now, let's get into the show.

[0:40] Music.

[0:49] Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Retail for the Rest of Us. I'm your host, Janine Malone. And Today I want to talk about feelings. Big ones, small ones, bad ones, good ones, Dr. Seussian ones.

[1:04] I just find that like, this is a topic that is impossible to really do a single episode on because feelings come in all shapes and sizes, as we know. And it feels like, I don't know, how do you tell someone to deal with their feelings? I'm not a therapist.
I'm just someone who also has a lot of feelings, who names their company Feel Good Retail.
I want you to feel maybe not good all the time, because that's an impossible goal, but acknowledge that your feelings belong inside of your business and make you a better, more empathetic, more creative person. And we need you in business. And we need all your big complicated feelings to intersect with that business. But it's not always easy. You know, I'm not intentionally trying to be vague in this episode about like, what we can have feelings about. I'm just realizing that in the moment that I'm recording this, there are so many things going on, you know, in.

[2:19] The economy, in the business world, in the political world, on the news, like, it's a really harrowing time. And one that can really result in paralysis, which, frankly, I'm experiencing a little bit. So this episode is like almost talk therapy for me, because I think my approach to.

[2:43] Feelings and being in business and being human just like continues to soften as I get older.

[2:51] Nora McInerney, who runs this incredible podcast, Terrible Thanks for Asking, she's written books, she's brilliant, and she deals a lot with grief, has a quote that she reposted on Instagram this weekend that I saw that was, when life hands you lemons, you don't owe anyone a glass of lemonade. And I just keep thinking about that, in terms of, what it's like to be in customer service, and to be in retail and to have your business be so tied to like the relationship between you and the person who is supporting or buying from or shopping with you. And that, like, sometimes we just have to, like, plaster our customer service faces on. And, you know, while I do think that there's some resilience in that, like, and I find myself referencing that a lot when I think about, like, oh, I've had a hard day, but I'm just like, it's okay. Just put on your persona, your customer service, everything's great. Smiling, having fun, and there's some truth to act how you want to feel, right? But.

[4:13] That works here and there. When we need to rally, it doesn't work as well long term, right?
It's like taking an ibuprofen. It'll help for now, but if something's seriously wrong in four four to six hours, you're just gonna feel as bad as you feel now, maybe worse, who knows. And so I wanted to record this episode as sort of like a permission slip, maybe or like some one woman's thoughts on being a human inside of their business, their small business. And also just like to try and Figure out what we're supposed to do in a moment that feels like really scary and really frustrating and really, connected and like hard to, turn off and like What happens to our brains I guess?

[5:14] When we're in that mode of like, I made a meme about this for our newsletter recently, our newsletter called A Quick Hit, subscribe at the link in our show notes, but about how like, when we experience intense, intense feelings, or we experience burnout, oftentimes, like our brains will be like, you're actually not doing enough. Like what we need is a rest. But we just like pile the pressure on. And I feel like the same thing is true with like frustration or stress or overwhelm or exhaustion or fear, you know, is like, we're feeling those feelings in our brain is like, Okay, we don't have time for this. Like, here's like a reminder of all the things you have to do today. And that just.

[6:05] I mean, if there's ever anything that just made me want to crawl back into bed. It's like that feeling of like, I already feel horrible. How can I make myself feel worse? And it is kind of natural. Like it just tends to happen. We're wired to be, productive, not wired, naturally, we're wired by our environment is like, by capitalism, to be putting like this constant pressure on ourselves. And I just think that like, the better we can get at acknowledging and making space for our feelings, even though that feels like, quote, unquote, counterproductive, or like it's taking something from us, it, actually is contributing to our well being and our long term success as an entrepreneur. And frankly, like an emotionally intelligent, empathetic.

[7:12] Person is just like the kind of person that I want to succeed, the kind of place that I really want to shop with, because I think you can feel it. Like I think you can feel someone's emotions.
This is gonna sound like so, like, HSP, highly sensitive person, but like, I think you can feel like how someone feels through the way that they're running their business, especially in like the really visible, like the space they're creating, maybe in their like brick and mortar shop, or the way that they're like writing or posting online, or I don't, know, like the way they're rolling products out. Like, I just think oftentimes it's at least to me, maybe because I've been doing this for a long time, I can sort of guess.
I can sort of feel how folks are feeling and when things feel rushed or they feel like they're just pushing through something. And I think maybe that's it. I'm just here to make an argument that you don't have to push through your feelings to be good at business.

[8:14] In fact, I would even make the opposite argument. Like, feeling your feelings and getting to know them and making space for them actually can make you a far better business operator, especially when it comes to building community, serving your customers, and building relationships.
But there are a lot of complicated feelings that come along with that. And, you know, the only time I really like buy into the idea of a business being too big to fail, is when it comes to this like emotional piece. Because if you're a CEO, or even not, even if you're just like a manager level at some big corporation, if there's a day or a week or a month where you're like off your game, for whatever reason, odds are that's gonna get like smoothed over by everyone else on your team operating at a normal ish level. I mean, I would argue anyone in the year of our Lord 2023 is struggling in one way or another. But.

[9:27] I think that there's like, there's a softening and a smoothing to that, like, road bump, right? That like emotional road bump that you might feel. Whereas when you're a solo entrepreneur, or maybe you have a team of like four or five people, if someone on that team, you or anyone else is really having a tough time, it can be really obvious and really disruptive.

[9:55] And I don't mean that in like, okay, everybody like, pretend this isn't happening. But odds are, you're going to notice it a lot more. So I think that emotional intelligence in indie retail is like a critical skill. And I don't know that actually, I'm certain I'm not the one to necessarily like, teach emotional intelligence. However, I think it's like an unspoken, in huge piece of the puzzle to running a product based customer centric business. And that's what I wanted to sort of explore and walk through. Because like I said at the beginning, like even just at this moment, when I'm recording, which is end of October 2023, there's a lot happening in the world that feels extremely scary and intense and heartbreaking and confusing. And I don't know, I just think being online and being in business adds a level of like.

[11:11] Intensity to that feeling. At least that's how I've experienced it. And in addition to the things that are happening geopolitically, this is also a period of time where like, every time I open Instagram, I see another shop closing. And every time I talk to a retailer, they are expressing fear of something of imperfection of fear of hiring staff, a fear of not making their sales goal, a fear of even personal things, even larger things, fears of climate change, fears of their personal relationships. I guess before I get into how you can even deal with any of this stuff, I just want to say that it's okay. It's okay to be frustrated. It's okay to be worried. It's okay to be overwhelmed, like, kind of all the time? Because, like, it's just, this is so hard.

[12:11] Being a person is so hard. And like, it just sounds so trite. But it's like the only thing I can, remind myself of, like, when I'm having a hard day is just telling myself, like, it's okay, like, this is hard. And, again, it's like, all of that's perfectly fine. I don't even say that as like, just give up. It's just, you know, sometimes it's helpful to acknowledge, like, emotionally, what's going on or the truth of like, nobody said this is going to be easy.
And like, I don't know, every year seems to get like more challenging. But if you can give yourself like that little bit of space to acknowledge what's coming up and hold space for it, or just like put your task or your day in the context of like, it's okay, this is supposed to be hard, like business is kind of supposed to be hard. Under capitalism, like that's competition. That's the whole ballgame. But that doesn't mean it has to be impossible.

[13:12] And retail is like a super trying business. And it requires a lot of business savvy, of boundless creativity, and a lot of emotional bandwidth. Like as much as it's about beauty and curation and community and products. It's also about like relationships and emotional intelligence and profit and loss and math. So, you know, some of those things we might be more comfortable with than others. But I think if you're finding yourself like in this state of like paralysis, or you're feeling a lot of like friction, because of any of those emotions, I listed fear, frustration, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion. It's really important that you give yourself permission to take some space. And I don't mean you need to take like a sabbatical. I don't mean that you need to abandon ship, lock the door, throw away the key. But.

[14:16] Working towards some routine for you that allows you like a little bit of space between you and the intensity of those feelings is a what good leaders are able to do and what CEOs are able to do, who operate on a really high level. And also like it takes less time than you think.
And that's like a lesson in general that I feel like I'm learning right now and that I'm really curious to like, talk more about is sometimes the things were really, oh my god, I don't have time for that. Like, that is stress talking through us, like, if you're having a really intense day and some crazy feelings, maybe you saw like one of your favorite shops that like inspired you to start your business on Instagram announced that they're closing.
And then you got a mean customer service email and then you read something going on in the news and you're just feeling like, what is happening? Like what is happening?
It is going to do more harm than good to try to quote unquote stay on task.

[15:31] And actually, it's gonna save you probably days of stress and like your nervous system just kind of on hyperdrive. If you just give yourself like 15 minutes, or an hour or half a day to really like, be curious about what is happening. And some of the things that can be helpful when you're trying to navigate big emotions, but also like, integrate those emotions into your decision making in the business because feelings aren't facts, but they do carry with them a lot of intelligence.

[16:14] Is you're giving yourself permission to move slowly and take care of yourself, which is, first of all, critical in running a sustainable small business. Because if you allow yourself to get to a state of burnout that is going to take weeks or months or years to recover from.

[16:35] It's going to be incredibly challenging to continue to run your business.
I also think that when we are trying to rush, especially rush through a feeling, it ends up with us painting with a really broad brush. And instead, allowing ourselves to process and ask questions like, what is my feeling around this thing? What does it mean about me and my business? What am I fearful around? What do I need? Like, what would make me feel like I'm making progress in this area, whether that's like, I want to find somewhere to like donate money, I want to have a really candid conversation with my staff, I want to take a day off, I really need it. I want to throw my phone in the ocean. It's always my go to. Not that I've ever done it. But I think that the spaciousness of your reaction and the emotion is where kind of all of that intelligence happens. If we move quickly, we tend to be really reactionary.

[17:50] Reactionary, of course, we tend to be really short sighted. And that's kind of the game of it, right? Like, the intensity of our emotion, like we want to soothe ourselves. And so we want to take action, we want to figure it all out, we have to have all the answers right now. But that really activated state is just not the place where we're going to have the most aligned and supportive and generous and sustainable ideas. And I've been thinking a lot.

[18:31] Not to talk yet again about the project I'm working on for this coming year, but like for 2024, I'm really working on something that's like almanac related that feels supportive and slow and smooth to help retailers, like get better at business over time.
And even just that idea of like moving more slowly has created this like full body like resistance like the things that I am saying to myself in my head are crazy because I just want the instant gratification that we've gotten used to in so many other instances in our lives.
Obviously, I'm not a big Amazon shopper, but we all buy things on Amazon sometimes.
I shouldn't say we all. I'm sure there are some people who are so diligent about avoiding that as an option, but I needed a new vacuum cleaner really, really bad, and I don't know a small business that sells vacuum cleaners, okay?
So I bought one on Amazon. Oh my God, I love how I said that like it was a confessional.
Okay, guys, I did it.
I stopped on Amazon. on Amazon. But like, the instant gratification of that, of like, there is a problem I have, and I can solve it. And I can have the solution on my doorstep in like, kind of less than 24 hours.

[19:55] Is really challenging to like, take bigger problems like our emotions, or, you know, even just business problems inside of our shops. And what we want to do is sit down and in, think about it, come up with the answer, you know, execute on what we think our solution is and see results like we want all of that to happen instantly. And it's just that ain't it, babe. And like the more problems you solve, unfortunately, in a lot of ways, like the more problems arise. And that's not to say that it's just like, why even bother, but like, there's always going to be something. And I don't know, I think that's something that like, I heard a lot growing up is like, it's always something. And I find myself saying it to like any inconvenience, it's always something, there's always something going wrong. But it's kind of true, like there is always something so like, it's fine, just deal with this thing and know that there's going to be another one. And like, we, don't have to strive for this like, perfect, unemotional, super rational, like brilliant, clear, smooth, unknown future.
Because frankly.

[21:19] I don't think it's going to happen. I think that it's just like we just get better at coping and dealing and integrating what we're learning through our feelings or through our experiences.
So if you find yourself saying, I don't have time for that, that might be a sign that you are a little emotionally exhausted or that that feeling is too big and too uncomfortable to really give space to. And that is where I would suggest you start to move more slowly, ask questions, ask that feeling what it's here to tell you, take some deep breaths, take care of yourself, whatever that looks like in the moment. If it's logging off, taking a few deep breaths, getting outside, closing your eyes for a few minutes, excusing yourself from a conversation or a task, just to give yourself some space and try to be like as generous with yourself as possible. Your business isn't going to break if you take a day off. And if it is, frankly, like.

[22:30] It was going to break anyways, your well being and your mental health isn't going to be the only thing that holds this business together for one day, even two days.
So if you find yourself saying, I can't take those 15 minutes today, like there are some processes and some systems that probably need examining. And there's also like a part of you that really, really, really needs the time then and needs that like grounding practice of like coming back to yourself and asking like, what is really going on here? Again, I say this to you as as a way of saying it to myself, that.

[23:15] You're not going to get an award for pushing through your feelings. And frankly, I think.

[23:21] Most of us started businesses because we wanted to like make space for our humanity and also wanted to do things our own way and be soft and kind and flexible and different than what we were finding in other companies and other positions. And so when you look at it that way, making space for your feelings inside of your business is kind of your job. And it's a hard one. But I think you can be done. And I think every time you get a little bit better, is going to move you like so far forward. So that's worth it, don't you think?
Anyways, if you're feeling big feelings right now, I am with you in a major, major way.
And if you are still looking for some support in the holidays, and maybe someone to tell you what to do when you don't know what to do. You can still download our free holiday planner at feelgoodretail.com slash holiday. You can sign up for our newsletter, the quick hit it's a little way of me offering relief throughout the week to indie retailers. We've got like some fun recommendations, a little bit of advice, a little bit of snark, you.

[24:48] Know, we do it all. And cheers to feeling good. Next week is our last episode before we go on a holiday break. So I hope to see you then. I've got a big exciting announcement.

[25:02] And until then, feel your feelings, babes. Cheers to feeling good.
Thanks for listening to Retail for the Rest of Us. Find additional information and resources related to this episode in the show notes or on our website, feelgoodretail.com. This, show was lovingly produced and edited by Softer Sounds, a feminist podcast studio. If you, enjoyed this episode, please take a minute to text it to your business bestie, share, it on social media and leave us a rating or review. It really helps the show grow organically and we love making new friends. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being in business and cheers to feeling good.

[25:39] Music.